Life does go on! Sometimes it can get downright boring! Wonder why that never happened to me? Daily life went on. I went to work every evening. Frank picked me up. He was always sweet, caring and very generous. He found a job in a factory as an electrician. He was making pretty good money too.
Nikki grew up. Playful, sweet and he really got big. His neurological damage was hardly noticeable. His right eye didn’t close all the way. He would be sitting staring at nothing, and his right front paw would be tap, tap, tapping on the floor. During this time, if I tried to look into his thoughts there was nothing there. It was just empty. I am very grateful this never lasted more than a few minutes. I would pick him up and cuddle him and he was back to his sweet self. I really don’t think he knew this was happening to him.
Agnes was gorgeous. You hardly noticed her mouth at all. It certainly didn’t affect her appetite. She grew into a big long haired beauty. She was mostly sweet tempered, but when she heard Vicky’s strident screaming from outside she would freeze and run under the bed and hide and usually had to share the space with Isis who was already under the bed, both girls hiding and shivering because of the Vicky monster. Their words. I get angry as I write this, the abuse these kitties endured at the hands of this little girl. She looked like a little angel. Long brown hair, sweet face. Then you looked into her pretty brown eyes and the cruelty was readily apparent, and sent chills into my soul. I prayed that someone would recognize this, and get help for this child before she hurt another being.
Isis was a brown tortishell. She had so many shades of brown and black and even some streaks of red, all mixed in with a little cream. She was sleek and gorgeous! She had the temperament of a red head. She got mad easy and would streak through the apartment like a little mad tiger. She would jump on whoever she was mad at and bite and scratch. Agnes would just stare her down, Nikki turned it into a game and they would both end up laughing and playing chase. I would pick her up and cuddle her and tickle her belly. She got mad at that, but really liked it. Her mad spells didn’t last very long.
I was sitting at my table drinking coffee when the phone rang. I innocently picked the receiver up, and you will never guess who it was! No, not Joe, or Bill. If you guessed Bill’s wife Sherry, you are absolutely right and I don’t have a prize for you, sorry!!
Sherry said she gave birth to a 9 lb girl. Her name was Ericka, and she wanted me to come over and see her. I was shocked!! What the hell!! Why? Not like we were friends or ever would be friends. Is she just trying to torture me, like well, I got him, and you didn’t? I got his baby girl and you don’t?? Shoot, I could torture myself just fine. I didn’t need her help!! I proved myself right by saying, ” Sure, I would love to see your daughter!” Gushy and disgusting!
After agreeing to go over there the next day, I had to ask myself some hard questions!! Like, “What is wrong with you?” “Have you lost your mind?” I had to admit a morbid curiosity had overtaken me. Did she look like Bill, Sherry, or a combo? My head was filled with conflicting thoughts. All in all I had no idea why I agreed to go over there.
I told Frank about it and he asked why in the world did I want to put myself in what had to be a very painful situation. I talked to my boss about it at work that night, and she suggested that I needed to see Bill and his family and get some closure. Sure, maybe that’s it. Sounded good to me.
I walked over to the Bakers the next morning and Sherry greeted me at the door. Mrs. Baker gave me a cup of her ultra strong coffee. I felt a little bit sick to my stomach. That coffee was strong! Peel the lining off your stomach! Reminded me of my mothers coffee. Yum!
Sherry and I tiptoed into the bedroom, and there she was in a huge crib. She didn’t look 9 lbs. She was tiny with brown silky hair all over her head. Olive skin like her mother, and when she opened her eyes, they were the beautiful brown of her father. I stood looking down at this precious angel with the rosebud mouth, and I fainted dead away. Oh yes I did!
I woke up with Bill staring down at me. I was laying on the bed with a wash cloth on my forehead. He looked concerned. Bill asked how I was feeling. ” We thought we lost you there for a minute.” I said, “Oh no, I don’t know what happened, I think I just got too hot!”
Sherry insisted that Bill drive me home. Couldn’t get out of it. I looked out the window all the way. I told Bill he had a beautiful daughter. He said thank you. Before I got out of the car, he put his hand on my arm, and said, “I hope you don’t hate me.” “I hope you understand!” I said, ” Sure I do, I understand completely!” I really didn’t, but I didn’t want him to know that. I had a lot of emotions churning around inside me, and understanding wasn’t one of them.
I went to work that night and I got nauseated and it just wouldn’t go away. I ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I took the El and went home. I knocked on Frank’s door to let him know I was home. I was pretty upset. My boss told me before I left that I should see a Dr, because it sounded to her like I was pregnant.
I was praying that she was wrong. I got home and asked Anu. Frank and I had been using protection, but sometimes the protection runs out. Anu said yes, I was pregnant. I went to bed and didn’t answer when Frank knocked on the door. All I could think of was oh no what do I do now.
I was dreaming! I was lying on the green grass of what I now knew was my safe place in my mind. A little girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes was laying with me, and she looked at me and said, “Mommy, is it true you don’t want to be my mommy?” I said to her, “oh no darling, I want you more than anything in the world!”. She laughed and Anu and magic were there and we were all playing in the grass.
I woke up! I asked Anu, how am I going to take care of a baby. I make barely enough to take care of myself and 3 cats. Anu said, “You have to tell the man, he is the father!” I knew she was right. I didn’t want to lose this child. Didn’t make it easy though. I called downstairs and asked Frank to come up. I called into work.
When Frank came up, I bit the bullet and told him I thought I might be pregnant, although I still needed to see a doctor.
His mouth fell open and his eyes widened. I got nauseated all over again thinking he was going to tell me no he didn’t want any more kids. Oh boy!
It’s me, and you too! We are 3.