Frank came into the kitchen and looked around in surprise. The kitchen was clean and coffee and breakfast was on the table. “I was going to clean up, really.” I kissed him on the cheek and poured his coffee. “That’s ok honey, don’t worry about it. You work hard all week, and there is no reason why you can’t have your friends over. I really didn’t mind cleaning up.” Frank looked at me warily.
“you are always asking me to share my adventures, or misadventures with you. I had a really beautiful mystical experience last night.”‘ I told him all about Celeste and the ride she took me on through the universe. I told him how Jack and Linda both had gifts almost like mine. I just kept talking. I couldn’t seem to stop. Frank’s face was expressionless.
Then he said, “I wonder if all these so called adventures of yours are all in your mind.” He said that, yes he did! “What! I thought you believed me! If you hadn’t of told me you believed me, I never would have shared myself with you.” He didn’t say anything else. He left after breakfast saying he was going out with his dad. Right at this time I didn’t care where he went. All I could think about was how I shared my deepest secrets with him. I trusted this man with who I was.
I called out for Tip! Tip, I need you!” I didn’t know what to do. Should I leave him? Here I was almost 7 months pregnant with a 3 year old daughter. I sighed. What to do? Stay and try to still love him. No more sharing of anything with him. I suspected this new attitude might be because of his new friends.
I decided to hell with him and got myself and Melissa ready for a picnic at the zoo. I put Melissa and all her stuff in her stroller and my diaper bag. I called a cab, just couldn’t face the bus today. I resolved to talk to Frank about a used car. The cab finally arrived and I didn’t pay any attention to it, with so much on my mind. “Hey lady, do youse need help with all your junk and stuffs?” I winced at the bad New York accent. Tip! Who else? “Tip! Where were you? I was calling you!”
“I know Lassie! Here I am. What is wrong? You sounded and still sound distressed! “I got in the front seat with Melissa on my lap. While Tip was driving I started telling him about Frank not believing me anymore. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. Tip looked alarmed!” Please don’t cry Lassie. Tell me what happened?” Tip parked the cab near the zoo. He looked at me with concern.
I told him about Frank’s new friends, and the drinking and partying. I told him about how supportive Frank had been, but now he has decided that I was delusional, living in a fantasy or maybe even crazy. I told Tip I felt like we were growing apart.
” I hear you Lassie. We need to have a long talk. Are you sure you want to go to the zoo and look at sad wild animals confined against their will?” “Don’t say that Tip! Melissa loves the animals, especially the “Elphants”. Tip just laughed and said “look around you Lassie!” I looked around and screamed!
Our cab was sitting in the middle of a field, I think. The grass was green and yellow. The reason I screamed was a herd of Elephants was stampeding towards us. The ground was shaking. Like we were in the middle of an earthquake! Melissa was laughing, pointing and jumping up and down on my lap.”Elphants mama, elephants!” I closed my eyes and kept screaming. “Tip!!!”
“Calm down Lassie, you’ll scare the lions.” “Lions? Oh my God Tip! Have you lost your mind?!!” Melissa was delighted! ” Mama, big kitties! Pet?” Pet! Oh my gosh! There was a Pride of lions prowling around the cab. “Tip, please! Take us home! I’ve had enough of wild animals for one day!” Tip shrugged and we were parked out side our building. I wasn’t sure my legs would hold me up. They seemed to be made of rubber.
Tip got everything out of the cab and helped us in. Frank wasn’t home. I sat down at the table with Melissa and gave her a sandwich and milk. Tip was munching on a sandwich too. My stomach was too queasy to eat, but I made some tea. Melissa was chattering on and on about the elphants and big kitties. Bandit and Pearl were sitting wide eyed and listening to Melissa. When she got to the part about the big kitties, their eyes were wider and their mouths fell open. I couldn’t help but laugh.
I put Melissa down for a nap. She was murmuring about petting Elphants and big kitties as she fell asleep. “Tip, now she will never be satisfied with the zoo again.” Sigh! “Lassie, anytime just call and we will all take a trip, maybe see some zebras and giraffes next time.” I heard faint murmuring from the bedroom, “raffs, zebas!” “I think shes listening to us.” Tip laughed and said, “Lassie you should walk in your daughters dreams sometime.” “That’s a good idea! Now can you help me please?”
“Alas, Lassie, I cannot. You will need to decide if you love this man enough to stay with him and keep your true self from him. It sounds like he might be a touch envious and has decided it’s easier not to believe.” “I think you are right! I am 7 months pregnant and have a 3 year old daughter and a house full of kitties. I think it is better and easier to stay.” I sighed again. Tip kissed me on the forehead and said, “I am always here for you Lassie, just call if you need me.” “Thanks Tip, I will.”
I sat in the rocker in the bedroom watching Melissa sleep. The kitties gathered around me. Anu crawled into my lap and I put my head on her shoulder. The tears flowed and Anu licked them off my face. I felt all the love of my kitties and I knew I would never be alone.
Decision time. Did I love this man? Yes, I did. He could be sweet, caring, and loving. Yes, he had problems, but maybe expecting him to believe without being able to participate was asking too much. I made spaghetti for dinner, with meatballs. Garlic bread and salad.
Frank came home tired, he had been working on one of his father’s buildings. He cleaned up and we ate dinner. I told him I took Melissa to the zoo and she saw elephants and lions. Melissa was jumping up and down in her chair. “Elphants, zebras, rafts, big kitties, daddy!” Frank laughed, picked her up and carefully wiped spaghetti off her face.
He loved his daughter and she always made him smile. I cleaned the kitchen and settled Melissa on the floor with her zoo friends coloring book. I took a beer and glass of wine into the living room. I cuddled next to him on the couch. “Listen, honey, I should never have said I don’t believe you. I do, it’s just hard without being able to experience it myself” I told him I understood and then just as I was about to broach the subject of a car, he brought it up.
“I think it’s time that we get you your own car. With a baby on the way and a soon to be 4 year old, you need better mobility.” He smiled at me. “Really? Oh honey, that would be wonderful!” He said it would be used, but we would start looking next weekend. I laid my head in his lap and I fell asleep.
I was dreaming. I was sitting at a table in a kitchen decorated with a lot of wood, and plastic. It had pretty yellow curtains on the windows. I was wondering where the heck I was when a tall thin woman walked into the room. She looked like she was in a lot of pain, her face was pinched and very pale. I knew this had to be Frank’s mother. He looked so much like her.
I was wondering why I was here, when I saw her go to a cabinet and take out two large bottles of pills. No, this is a nightmare, and not my nightmare. I had to do something, I couldn’t stand to watch his mothers suicide or to know this was his painful dream. I looked at the woman and said, ” please don’t let your son come home from school and find your body. He went through it once, but this is a dream. Please, make it a good one.” She looked at me thoughtfully and then she smiled and I could see the beauty she must have been.
She put the pills back in the cabinet and when she turned around she looked like a young mother anticipating the return home from school of her beloved son. There was a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the table. The door opened and a young voice called out, “I’m home mom!” She called out, “I’m in the kitchen darling!” A young boy came running into the kitchen and hurled himself into his mother’s arms. She looked down at him and bent to kiss the top of his head.
I smiled and stepped backward out of the dream. I woke up still on the couch with Frank’s arms around me. He had a sweet smile on his face, and I thought to myself, every son should have good dreams of his mother. I snuggled into Franks arms and went back to sleep.
Raffs, elphants, big kitties and dreams!
The kitties korner.
My name is Clementine, but mama calls me Clemmie. I been with mama longer than anyone except Anu. I’m a spirit, but I feel real, just like I did back when I first met mama. We were living in a cabin in Salem, Massachusetts. There were a lot of people killing cats. When they burned a woman saying she’s a witch or drowned her, they threw her cat in too. Saying the cat was her familiar. Makes me shudder. Me and mama escaped that. I love her and will never leave her.