I was really sad about Pam. Linda and I went to the hospital to see her. We were told that she was on life support. They let us see her because we told the doctor we were her sisters. She was a beautiful blonde ice queen lying so still hooked up to a ventilator. Linda had tears in her eyes, “she looks as if she is going to open her eyes and tear that thing out of her mouth any second.” “If only.” I was feeling kind of guilty.
“I wish I could have looked around for her and brought her back. It was black and I couldn’t see anything.” “You can’t blame yourself. If she hadn’t walked into your dream uninvited, it wouldn’t have happened. ” “I know you are right, it’s just such a waste!” I was crying now, and Linda hustled me out and home. There was nothing we could do to help her. I was really tired and fell asleep quickly that night.
I was dreaming. I was in an unfamiliar place. The grass was a lovely blue green, there were pretty flowers in blue, green and yellow shades. There were huge boulders some shaped for sitting. I had no idea where I was. I sat down on one of the boulders that turned out to be surprisingly comfortable. I was puzzled.
There was no sign of life anywhere. No birds or animals. The sky was blue, no clouds. Suddenly Pam appeared right in front of me, out of thin air. I jumped up and threw my arms around her. “Pam, it’s so good to see you! You look wonderful!”
Pam laughed, “I feel wonderful too and I’m sane. Tip told me you are feeling guilty about not being able to find me in the void. It was pitch black, no light, no sound. There was no way you could find me.” “It just seems like I should have been able to do something. Maybe scrabble around until I grabbed on to you, and take you out with me.”
“That would have been great, except for one thing. I was where I needed to be. I was lost in my own mind and my own fears. My life played through my mind like a movie. I saw it all and reflected on all of my mistakes, my lies, and the people I had hurt. I don’t know how long I was floating there. I realized that Paul having an affair was partly my doing because after I found out I was pregnant, I shut him out and pushed him away.”
“Pam, are you going back to your body? “No, I’m not, it’s too late. I am going to be Heathers guardian angel and I will guide her until she grows up. I just wanted to let you know that I don’t blame you and you shouldn’t feel guilty. I’m finally at peace and I’m happy.” Pam hugged me and with a big smile she disappeared.
I looked around for her, but she was gone and a feeling of peace washed over me. I woke up and Melissa was in bed with me talking and laughing with Pearl. I got up and started my day and I was actually pretty happy for once. I knew Pam was happy and my guilt was gone. She would look after Heather until she was grown.
Life was pretty quiet. I was enjoying the respite. Before I knew it, it was November and time again for Thanksgiving. Michael was nine months old and Melissa would be 5 in December. Michael was crawling, and he liked the walker, but preferred to crawl. He was a happy boy and he adored his big sister. She was very good with him too. Melissa played with Michael for hours.
I was glad they got along so well. Frank and I weren’t getting along. He was drinking more and smoking more pot. There were times when I was afraid to talk to him because he seemed to be in a perpetual bad mood. I didn’t know if it was because of work or what. The kids from across the street were coming over more often to “party”. Frank’s words. My complaints fell on deaf ears.
I kept the kids and the kitties separated from them as much as possible. I did love Frank, and I knew he had a lot of problems when he was a kid and a young adult. He had to give his mother pain injections because she couldn’t hold the needle. She had cancer. He came home from school every day to do this. He came home one day to find his mother dead from an overdose. She had found the medicine and she swallowed it. He was 9.
Frank had bulbar polio when he was 10. Right before they found the cure. You either lived or died. He lived. He was left with a speech impediment. At that time it was thought to be contagious. The only child who would come near him was John. They remained lifelong friends. John smoked pot, but didn’t drink. He was a good guy. Out of all of Frank’s friends, I liked him.
John was not married and was in town, so we invited him for Thanksgiving dinner. He was a good cook, so he made the traditional sweet potatoes with brandy and cherries. He made regular candied potatoes for the kids. I was happy. Melissa was playing with Michael in my bedroom. All the kitties were helping to entertain the kids so mom could cook.
I heard gales of laughter coming from both kids. I went in and asked Melissa to read a story to Michael because it was his naptime. She said she would read him her zoo book. Neither one of them ever got tired of that book. Melissa loved to act out the animal sounds and she was teaching Michael how to roar like a lion.
I was setting the table when the bedroom door opened and the zoo train came out to parade around the house. Michael was in his walker with Melissa behind him pushing him along and pearl was trotting along behind Melissa. The other kitties in a long line behind each other. It was really quite impressive. They marched into the living room. Michael doing his best to roar, and Melissa making chimpanzee sounds.
I really wished I had a movie camera. The look on John’s face was priceless. His mouth was wide open and his eyes too. It was funny. He asked me, “How did you get those cats to walk single file, it’s almost as if they understand they are walking in a zoo parade.” “Well, John, Melissa is really good at training cats.” I smiled at him. He turned to give me a penetrating look. “I have always been under the impression that cats can’t be trained like dogs. They aren’t smart enough!” Uh oh! Clemmie turned around with fire in her eyes. I grabbed her before she could do any damage.
“I don’t know where you got that idea John, but cats are very smart. Let me get this zoo parade back to the bedroom, change the lions diaper, and wash the chimp and lions paws and we will be ready to eat” I smiled and took Clemmie into the bedroom and got every one else in and we were ready for dinner.
John said Grace and Michael had his first table food. I cut the turkey into tiny pieces and he loved that and his mashed potatoes and gravy. He threw the green beans on the floor and for the first time he enjoyed milk from a sippy cup. He was having a great time. Melissa gestured for me to listen to her. She whispered in my ear, “mom Tip is here.” I almost choked on my mashed potatoes. I looked around the table and there was a chair on the other side of Melissa.
Tip was sitting in it and eating from a plate of food that was in front of him. I looked at Frank and John, They were talking and didn’t seem to notice Tip. I looked at Tip and finally caught his attention. I must have looked like a wild eyed maniac because Frank looked at me and asked me what was wrong. “Nothing honey, just checking that everyone is enjoying their food.” John smiled and said it was the best food he ever ate at Thanksgiving.
I was puzzled, but glad that no one but me and the kids saw Tip. I was seriously considering doing bodily harm to the Irish hooligan. He sat there unconcerned, eating turkey and mashed potatoes. He made a face at Michael and threw his green beans on the floor. This delighted Michael no end and he laughed so hard his face turned beet red. I was seriously afraid he would choke.
I made a big threatening face at Tip. Finally it was time for hot apple pie with ice cream. Both kids were exhausted. I cleaned them up and put them to bed. Michael was weaned from breast to bottle. Bottle at nap and night time and a sippy cup most of the time
Frank and John cleaned the table off and John insisted on washing dishes and putting the food away. Bless his heart.
I sat down in the rocking chair and gave Michael his bottle. Melissa was sound asleep on my bed. Tip appeared and sat next to Melissa. “Lassie, I must say your food is really good. Did Pam talk with you?” “Thank you for the compliment, but I wish you wouldn’t just appear like that. You scared me. Yes, Pam came to me in a dream. She sounded very rational. I guess death does that to you.” “Aye, lassie, you would think so, but not for everyone I’m afraid.” Tip shook his head. Uh oh. Didn’t sound good.
“Pam is supposed to be Heather’s guardian angel until she is grown, but now Paul is going to marry the lady who’s company he was enjoying when Pam was alive.” “Do you mean the floozy he was having sex with?” I was being mean, I knew it, but I really loved to see Tip blush. Yep, there it was. Beet red. “Aye lassie. I’m not comfortable with that word. She seems to be a lovely lady and a nice person. I would hate to see anything happen to her.”
“Are you serious? I thought Pam was sane and happy to be watching over Heather, isn’t she?” ” That’s what we all thought, but even the afterlife isn’t enough for some. Ariel has enlisted the help of another archangel. Strange as it may sound even angels can have headaches. Anyway lassie, words of warning from Ariel. If you fall asleep and find yourself in a strange landscape, get out promptly.”
“Tip, Pam won’t hurt me. Why do I need to get out of the dream?” “Pam has gone rogue. I know this sounds strange, but it does happen. Be careful lassie. She’s not in her right mind at this time. Me thinks she needed more void time.” “Oh Geesh, Tip. I’m supposed to be on vacation here. I really have a hard time believing that Pam is that bad.” “Just a warning love. Ariel is beside herself. Told me to warn you.”
He was gone. I would heed his warning, even though I didn’t believe Pam was dangerous. I hoped. I was exhausted. I put Michael to bed, and left Melissa in my bed. I washed up and went to dream. Praying for good dreams. Ah yes!
I was dreaming……
Angels and more Angels…
The Kitties korner.. Guess who!! It’s me Bailey! Mama has been upset because her friend crossed the rainbow bridge. I am here to comfort mama. She said I make her smile and laugh! I don’t like to see mama sad. I offered to go outside and bring her a squirrel to play with. She didn’t like that idea. I tried to beat Jason up, but he bit me where no cat should be bit. Ever. Me and my sister Nina ran around and up and down the cat tree, but mama said we broke her bowl. I tried to entertain her. She said to just sit with her. She cried in my fur, but I didn’t mind. I love mama.